Wall of Natsu
by BeyondLight
Summary: Natsu Dragneel looks like a happy, energetic dragonslayer but what lies underneath this boisterous façade? Gratsu
1. Chapter 1

**So I decided to write a new story :P (not sure if it's a good idea or not) It's not a very 'upbeat' or 'happy' story and it may or may not make sense to you but if you don't like depressing things or drama in general, then don't read. If you do read it, please review, you lovely person :3 Enjoy~**

_-Natsu POV-_

I sat in my room, staring at the damage I had done to my arm. Blood was dripping slowly down the deep cuts that were temporarily burning away the wave of emotions built up inside me. I could hear Happy trying to get me to open the door, but I felt distant, unreal. I closed my eyes and leaned my head against the wall behind me.

I tried to ignore Happy's cries to let him in, but they kept getting louder and louder.

"Natsu! Let me in, Natsu! I know you're doing it again. Please, stop this…"

Silence.

I sighed in relief.

_Finally, he gave up…_

I was wrong. Happy started pounding on the door harder.

"Natsu, if you don't let me in I'll call Lucy!" my friend added.

I slowly got up from the ground and made my way to the door, putting on a long sleeve hoodie.

I opened the door, revealing my sunken face.

"There's no need to call Lucy and you know it, Happy." I replied finally.

The little blue cat flew in and sat down at my bed with a worried expression.

"Can't we talk about this? Why won't you let me help you, Natsu?"

I averted my eyes and pushed my fists into the pockets of my ripped jeans.

I couldn't let anyone in my walls, not even Happy.

He was already too close to me, I didn't want anyone closer than that. I needed my walls to protect me… and him.

Nobody was allowed in there. In _me. _

"We just can't." I gave him a big, fake smile. "Don't worry yourself too much, Happy. I heal quickly enough."

My little buddy frowned and I thought for a second he would try to push further but he simply sighed and flew out, mumbling something about seeing me later or needing fresh air; I'm not sure.

I was just glad to be alone. Or maybe I was more depressed.

I didn't know what to feel anymore.

I've been alone for so long that the constant pain I feel has turned into numbness.

_This is my way out_…

I walked into the bathroom and ran hot water down my bloody arm, letting the burning pain sink in.

I hated the numbness. I replaced it with pain, it was that simple.

I sighed and looked at myself in the mirror.

I had dark bags under my eyes from countless sleepless days, my salmon pink hair was tousled and unkempt, and my skin looked paler than usual. I was a mess, and I hadn't been out in three days.

I hadn't gone to the guild or outside. The only person I had talked to was Happy and I was trying to ignore even him.

I decided I should go out for a walk and try to clear my head.

Not that it would help to clear anything.

This was just a cycle I went through every month or week, depending on the events of the days.

I just didn't deal with things and suppressed all my problems inside me, acting crazy and outgoing on the outside while I was screaming and crying on the inside. Sometimes the walls that I had built to keep everything in cracked and I just crashed.

I slowly walked out of my house and slammed the front door.

I shoved my hands in my pockets and started walking my way into town.

The moon shone brilliantly in the night sky, and a cool breeze danced through the tree leaves around me.

I realized that I hadn't eaten in two days until my stomach growled, so I decided to go get some food at the guild. Mira always had something for me, plus I didn't have any money to buy food.

It was only seven o'clock.

I pushed open the doors to the guild and silently walked in.

I heard everyone shout my name and welcome me in.

Lucy ran up to me with a big smile.

"Natsu, where have you been?!"

I ignored the blonde and continued to walk towards the bar.

Everyone's smiles and cheer was replaced by a puzzled and, or worried look.

Lucy ran up behind me and continued to speak, "Hey is everything okay?"

I sat down at the bar and turned around to look at her with a blank face.

"Everything's fine, Luce." I said in a monotonous tone and turned back around.

Mira had already put some food in front of me.

I started eating, ignoring my friend behind.

Everyone in the guild continued their previous conversations while glancing at me with worried looks.

I couldn't blame them.

This is the first time ever that I came to the guild while going through one of my breakdowns.

I would be worried too if I saw my energetic dragon slayer friend looking like a bag of shit and not talking.

I finished my food and thanked Mira before I walked out the guild doors.

I glanced over to my usual table.

Erza was eating her strawberry cake and chatting with Lucy, Gray was sitting with Juvia and-

I stopped there. I felt the piercing pain come back in my chest.

_Gray and Juvia…_

They were sitting and talking, Juvia laughing at something Gray said.

Gray looked over at me and gave me a small smile.

I couldn't take it anymore.

I quickly looked away and rushed out of the doors, tears threatening to fall.

I walked quickly away from the guild, just seeing Gray with Juvia made me want scream and punch through every wall ever made.

Only Lucy, Mirajane and Happy knew I liked Gray. They kept on urging me to tell him but what was the point, everyone knew him and Juvia were a thing.

Plus, whenever I tell someone my feelings or end up in a relationship I get hurt or I hurt them. I was tired of ending up with the shit end of the stick.

I was just tired and scared, though I would never admit to that, of everything.

I heard someone running behind me and a strong hand grasped my mutilated arm.

I flinched in surprise and pain and turned around to see _him_.

"What's going on with you, flame-brain? You look like crap." Gray said.

I tried to pull away from him but his grip only tightened around the cut skin, making me flinch again.

I felt some of the newly forming scabs come off and blood stained small parts of my hoodie.

_Damn it…_

Gray noticed the red substance seeping through and pulled me closer, pushing my sleeve up to reveal long gashes, healing and fresh, across the skin of my arm.

His eyes widened with horror and I pulled back my arm, averting my eyes.

"N-Natsu… What the hell happened…?" he continued with searching eyes.

I glared at him.

_Like you care, Fullbuster. _

I turned around and continued walking away.

Gray followed.

"Fuck off ice princess." I growled at him.

He put a hand on my shoulder, the cool 'I don't give a shit' Gray disappearing for the moment.

"Natsu, I'm worried. Let me help you, please." he answered me.

Flame erupted around my fists and I looked up at him with hardened eyes.

"I don't want your pity" I spit out and pulled away from him, running away, tears falling from my eyes.

_I want your love, but you obviously have someone to give it to already. Just leave me alone, Gray so I don't have to deal with my emotions towards you._

What the fuck is wrong with me? I want him to love me but I keep pushing him away.

_No!_

I can't let him in. I can't let anyone in my hell. They can't see my demons.

They need to be safe.

I'm not safe.

_Gray… I love you…_


	2. Chapter 2

**So here's chapter two! Thank you all who reviewed and followed this story :3 it makes me soooo happy Ily all~**

-Gray's POV-

I stood there as Natsu ran away, the image of his mutilated arm stinging in my mind.

How could Natsu do this to himself? And why wouldn't he talk to him?

_Aren't we friends? ...Best friends?_

I balled up my fists in frustration and walked in the direction Natsu ran.

I didn't know what to say or do, I just wanted to be there for him but he kept pushing me away.

My walking became faster and faster until I started sprinting after Natsu.

I didn't know where he was going and a part of me was scared to follow him.

This was a new side to Natsu that I wasn't used to. I didn't know how to react to it.

I thought I saw a flicker of pink hair turning the corner so I bolted after it in a crazed fashion, calling out to my pink-haired friends name.

I turned the corner to find an empty street.

He wasn't there.

I leaned against the wall breathless.

_Goddammit Natsu... What has gotten into you?_

I heard footsteps approaching so I jolted up in hopes it was Natsu.

"Oh, it's just you." I said to Juvia noncommittally.

The blue haired girl walked towards me with a smile.

"Is everything all right, Gray-sama?" She asked as she put her hand on my shoulder.

I sighed. I didn't want to talk to Juvia right now.

Everyone thought we were a thing, but to be honest I didn't even think of her like that.

She was just a friend to me.

I moved her hand off my shoulder, her smile fading with the motion.

"Sorry Juvia, but I really don't want to talk right now."

She took a step towards to me, her face so close we were almost kissing.

"But Gray-sama... Juvia loves you" she replied back with pleading eyes.

I shifted my eyes to the side, looking down the street.

_Natsu... Where are you..._

Before I could say anything to Juvia and get away, I felt her thin, warm hands grasp my face and kiss me.

She pressed her lips against mine hungrily, my eyes widened with horror and I pushed her away.

"What the hell Juvia?!" I screamed.

"Gray-sama, please j-"

"No! Just stop it! I. Don't. Like. You." I growled at her.

_Doesn't she understand that I don't feel the same way?!_

She looked at me with a hurt expression, but I turned around towards the empty street, catching a glimpse of pink again.

This time I was sure it was Natsu.

I didn't waste a single second as I sprinted away from Juvia and down the street.

I heard a sob from the blue-haired girl, but ignored it.

I would explain things to her later. If there was anyone who I should tell my secret, it should be her. After tonight, she deserved to know.

I ran as fast as I could, every muscle burning for me to stop.

I pushed on forward, screaming for Natsu.

I finally caught up to him, I saw his panting figure sitting against a tree in an empty park.

He was shaking and had his head in his hands... Crying?

Natsu was crying...

_...but why...?_

I timidly walked towards him. I didn't want to do anything wrong.

"Natsu..." I pleaded, though what I was pleading for was unknown.

He looked up at me with a betrayed look, tears streaming down his cheeks.

I crouched in front of him and reached out to wipe those tears.

It was as if the only thing I wanted to do was to wipe those shining droplets of water off his face and pull him into an embrace.

Natsu snapped his head away from me and started to cry more heavily.

I didn't know what to do. I didn't know what to say.

I needed to say something.

I was desperate to see Natsu happy again, or at least to see those tears stop.

I needed to say something.

"Natsu, I love you." I blurted out.

My eyes widened from the realization of what I said.

I needed to say something, anything except THAT.

_What am I thinking?! Crap, he's gonna think I'm gay! Wait, I am gay. But I don't want him to think that! Because then he's gonna close up to me even more. Shit, shit shit! Why did I have to say that. _

I looked down at Natsu's mixed expression of shock and anger.

_Fuck._

-Natsu's POV-

I looked up at Gray through wet eyes.

How could he tell me he loves me, when I saw him kissing Juvia?!

I had waited in the end of the street, trying to catch my breath when I saw Juvia and Gray talking. I had seen them kiss and well, I didn't stick around to see what happened next.

How could he say that?!

He didn't love me.

I looked down into my hands.

"You like Juvia." I whispered.

I didn't want to meet his eyes, because I knew I would just start crying even more.

I just looked down and let my walls crumble.

If there was anyone who could wreck my wall inside, it was Gray; and he had crushed them.

I started shaking and crying again, all of the emotions and past memories filling me like a flood.

How could one person do this to me?

"You k-kissed her..." I continued, my own voice foreign to me.

_Stop... Stop talking Natsu... _

I felt myself fall into strong, cool arms; the scent of winter burning sweetly in my nostrils.

Gray hugged me tightly while I shook violently.

"No, she kissed me Natsu, but I pushed her away. I would never do that to you." he said softly.

I shakily laughed.

_I'm dreaming. This can't be real._

"We're not even dating. You can do whatever y-you want." I said and buried my head in his shoulder.

I just wanted to stay like this forever.

I felt Gray's grip tighten around me.

"Just because we aren't dating, doesn't mean I haven't already given my heart to you." Gray replied with a gulp.

I gripped his shirt, crying and shaking harder.

I couldn't help myself, I had crashed, and crumbled.

"I-I love you too Gray. I love you so much, it's killing me." I said as I clutched his shirt tighter.

I couldn't breathe.

Gray kissed the top of my head.

"M-make it stop, Gray. Make them go away. Make it stop." I added.

He kept on assuring me he would make 'it' stop, although I doubt he knew what 'it' was.

We sat there, him hugging me while I shook violently and cried, staining his shirt.

How could I let him in?

I shouldn't have admitted that I loved him. I should've done it.

I can't turn back now.

My walls...

He.

Was.

Inside.

Shit.


	3. Chapter 3

**Hey there cool people. Sorry for not updating sooner, I really suck at managing wibbly wobbly timey wimey stuff -_- but hope this chapter is long enough to make up for it I'm going to start going deeper into Natsu's problems and how he kinda ended up the way he is. I'm going to introduce some new, original characters and change the relationship between Igneel and Natsu. For many reasons, I'm going to make Igneel human. Constructive comments and reviews are always welcomed Hope it doesn't suck too bad**

**-**Natsu's POV-

_I was running around, laughing, with my friend, Ry, chasing me. I always stayed at his house when Igneel was out on important errands and wasn't coming home for days. _

_It was just a fun way to pass time and Igneel didn't mind, as long as I controlled my magic._

_We were both around thirteen years old and loved making up games to play._

_Ry threw himself on his bed, panting from our previous game of soccer._

_He pushed the sweaty blonde bangs out of his face and grinned at me._

_"Hey Natsu, I have a new game we should try." he said with a purr. His voice always had a soft vibration to it._

_I looked at him and rolled my eyes._

_"What's the game?" I asked as I plopped myself on his computer chair._

_He got up and pulled all the blankets and sheets off his bed and tossed it to the floor._

_"Let's make a fort and act like we're camping." He laughed out._

_I gave him a weird look and snorted._

_"What are we three?" I mocked him as I got up to help him build the thing. Even though it sounded silly, I decided to go along with it._

_He just smiled back as we finished propping up the sheets in a tent-like way and laid blankets underneath._

_He turned off the lights and clicked on a flashlight and went in the fort, lying on his stomach._

_I sat across from him with crossed legs and grinned._

_"Man, this is the gayest thing we've ever done" I laughed out. _

_He shrugged and shone the flashlight under his chin, widening his eyes._

_"Prepare to be scared out of your mind!" He said in an exaggerated voice._

_I just chuckled and laid back on the pillows thrown about._

_Ry laid next to me and wrapped an arm around my torso, snuggling behind me._

_I gave him a mixed looked and tried pulling away._

_"Dude, what the hell are you doing?"_

_He ignored my question and pulled me in closer._

_"Hey Natsu, do you like me?" he whispered into my ear._

_I shivered._

_"Y-you're my friend, Ry. I like you as a friend. You're acting weird man." _

_What the hell is going on?!_

_He shifted himself and kissed down my neck, sucking at some parts._

_I tried to push him off but his grip only tightened around me._

_He moved my face with his free hand and pressed his lips against mine, sucking on my lower lip._

_I didn't know what to do. I couldn't use my magic against him…_

_I couldn't move, I couldn't do anything. He was way stronger than me._

_He rubbed his hips against me, his hand moving lower into my pants._

_I closed my eyes, tears threatening to fall._

_This was my best friend. _

_I was so helpless, I-_

I woke up with a start, breathing heavily and slightly shaking from the dream of my past.

I looked around me and noticed I was in my room.

_Oh yeah, Gray carried me back home last night._

I pulled the covers over my head and curled up.

Not only did I cry in front of Gray and told him I loved him, I let him carry me home like a little girl.

I got up and noticed I was still wearing the clothes from yesterday.

I walked into my bathroom and ran the water for the shower, brushing my teeth while waiting.

I took my clothes off and stepped in the heated water, washing away all thought from my mind.

When I got out, I dried myself and put on a fresh pair of boxers and some deodorant.

Gray had probably left when he dropped me off, so I didn't think I'd need to get fully dressed.

I was too tired to think of anything. I just wanted to eat and then lay on my couch, doing nothing.

I walked into my kitchen and was greeted by a lean figure standing over my stove, cooking.

The raven was cracking some eggs in a pan and cooking sausages. He went over to the toaster when pieces of bread popped up.

I stood by the door frame, shocked and in my underwear.

He turned around and gave me a small smile.

"Good morning star shine, the world says hello!" he said in a timid tone.

I opened my mouth and then closed it.

Was I still sleeping? This was too good to be true.

Gray fucking Fullbuster was in my house, cooking me food.

He dished out the food and put two plates on the table.

"You were in a pretty bad state yesterday, so I didn't want to leave you alone" Gray added, averting his eyes.

He looked pretty sad.

I looked down, knowing it was all my fault he wore that look on his face.

I stood there awkwardly until Gray took my hand and pulled me down into the chair next to him.

He looked straight into my eyes.

"Natsu… I already told you I loved you… Please, let me help you" he said.

_And I told you I loved you too but…_

I looked at the plate of food in front of me.

_I love you Gray... That's why I can't let you in..._

_Or you'll end up hating me._

_You'll hate me for the stuff I did._

_You'll hate me…_

I need to get myself together.

"I'm fine, Gray. I guess I just needed sleep. Don't worry about me." I said with a grin plastered on my face.

He flinched as if someone had struck him.

He got up and stared at me angrily, his fists balled.

"Don't fucking lie to me, Natsu!" he screamed out. His eyes were watering.

I pulled my knees to my chest.

"D-Don't yell..." I whispered low enough that he wouldn't hear me.

"I already told you I loved you! Why won't you believe me?! Why won't you let me help you?!" Gray continued to raise his voice, his body shaking out of frustration.

_Don't yell..._

I pressed my hands behind my head and buried my face in my knees.

I shook my head slowly.

_I want to believe he can love me..._

Any normal person could see that he does care, but... It just doesn't seem real to me.

I didn't believe that something as good as this could happen to _me_. The person I love, loving me back?

It seemed impossible.

Besides, I couldn't let him in, I just couldn't!

I flinched as Gray put a hand on my shoulder.

He noticed and quickly pulled his hand away, realizing I was shaking.

"Sorry..." He lowered his voice.

"I'm not asking you to tell me your deepest darkest secret. J-Just... Don't shut me out." His voice cracked. He sounded really hurt. "Let me be with you."

I felt really bad because Gray sounded so helpless.

He sounded like someone who didn't know what to do.

And I don't blame him.

Nobody was used to me being so fragile.

I looked up at Gray.

No matter what doubts I had about him, he didn't deserve to feel helpless.

He was the most amazing person on earth, he deserved nothing but happiness.

I wouldn't allow myself to hurt him.

I didn't have to let him inside my walls, but I didn't have to shut him out of my life either.

I could still continue to keep him out even if I made him a part of my life, right?

I did it with Happy.

_Happy… I wonder where he is…?_

I'm sure he's fine. Right now, I needed to straighten things out with Gray.

"I'm sorry." I said and wrapped my arms around him, pulling him into a close embrace.

He looked down at me in shock, but wrapped an arm around me in return.

"I'm sorry." I repeated myself.

He ran his fingers through my hair and let out a sigh.

"Maybe one day we can talk about this, but for now I'm gonna enjoy this hug." He smiled and bent down to hug me properly, kissing me on the cheek with a small smile.

I felt heat creep into my cheeks and I involuntarily smiled.

I quickly stuffed my mouth with food to hide this reaction but Gray had noticed and laughed heartily.

_God, I love that laugh..._

I blushed even more as I swallowed down the food.

"You're so cute when you smile, flame-brain." Gray said as he ruffled my hair and took a seat next to me.

"Shut up ice-princess." I retorted as the blush kept reddening my face.

He took a bite of some eggs and grinned.

"But I like this you. He's very...adorable." Gray continued.

We sat there, smiling at each other and eating the food he made us.

I don't care if this is a dream, it's the happiest I have ever been.

"We should stop by the guild today." he added while looking me over. "Of course you'd have to put some clothes on." he laughed.

I blushed even more.

"S-Sure. Ok." I replied as I cleared the table and washed everything in the sink.

Gray left the room and came out with a long sleeve, black shirt with some skinny black jeans.

"Nice assortment of color you have in your closet." He said with a smile as he tossed the items towards me.

I quickly put them on and walked towards the door to put some shoes on.

Gray quickly took my hand and walked me to the guild, locking the door in the process.

The whole way he never let go of my hand.

We talked about nominal things like missions, previous battles and food. I don't really remember what our conversation consisted of exactly, but I enjoyed every bit of it.

I enjoyed every second I got to spend with Gray.

He pushed open the doors to the guild and we walked in grinning.

Everyone was staring at us, two supposed rivals, holding hands and acting cute.

I felt another wave of red creep into my cheeks.

"G-Gray... Everyone's staring." I whispered to him.

He leaned in and kissed my cheek, smiling.

"I don't care." he replied.

I smiled widely as we sat down at an empty table, Gray wrapping his arm around me.

We continued our silly conversation on a prank we wanted to pull on Lucy and I laughed when Gray tried mimicking her would-be reaction, but my smile faded as the doors to the guild opened to reveal a tall, built, sandy-blonde haired man that I remembered all too well.

_It's him..._

He walked to the back of the guild towards Gramps and had a quick talk. Probably talking about joining the guild. Why else would he be here?

_Please don't let him join. Please don't let him join. Please don't let him join._

I heard a loud booming laughter that could only belong to Gramps and I heard him say:

"Of course you can join m'boy! Anyone is welcome at Fairy Tail."

I turned around with widened eyes and saw Gramps pat the blonde mans back and jumps down from the table.

Gramps turned towards the members of the guild and announced the arrival of a new member and everyone cheered. They welcomed him with smiles and laughter.

I turned around and stared at the floor, breathing shakily.

_He can't be here... NOT HERE!_

"Natsu, get over here." I heard Gramps shout.

I put on a fake grin and walked calmly over to Master Makarov.

"Hey there Gramps! What can I do for ya?" I asked with a wave of my hand.

Master hopped on the table again and clasped a hand on the new members shoulder.

"I want you to take this young man and show him around, will you?" he asked.

I gave Master a thumbs up. "No problem Gramps!"

_This could not get any worse..._

The sandy-haired man put out his hand.

"Nice to see you again, Natsu." he said with a smile.

I took his hand slowly and shook it.

"Ry." I answered distastefully.

His only response was continuing to grin.

I turned around and waved back to Gray. He got what I meant and went to sit with our friends.

I felt Ry's hand on my shoulder.

"I missed you Natsu..." he purred into my ear.

My body shivered and I could feel sweat forming along my brow.

I quickly swatted his hand away and walked away, Ry following me in pursuit.

I quickly walked him around the guild and showed him where everything was, he never stopped staring at me once, which made me even more uncomfortable.

I walked out to the back of the guild to show him the back way entrance but the minute we were alone outside, he pushed me against the wall of the guild.

I looked around and noticed we were _completely_ alone. Not a single living thing was out here.

I started panicking.

He had my wrists pinned down above my head with one of his large hands, and he pressed against me with his hips.

"R-Ryan. Stop." I whimpered.

I tried moving against him but he was always physically stronger than me.

I didn't know what to do, but I didn't want the repeat of old times.

I enveloped myself in flames in hopes of burning him and running away but he covered himself with a layer of rock.

_He's an earth Mage. Crap. He can just block my flames._

He let out a low chuckle and breathed along my neck.

"Calling me by my first name, fighting back... That's the first Natsu." He kissed along my jaw line and looked me in the eyes.

Tears were threatening to fall from my eyes.

"Get. Off. Me. Ry." I persisted.

His free hand wandered inside my shirt, feeling my abdomen.

Before I could say anything else or shout, he pushed his lips against mine, tracing his tongue on my lower lip.

I kept my mouth shut in a thin line, closing my eyes and trying to push myself away.

He growled at my unresponsive actions and kneed me in the groin, making me gasp in pain.

The minute my mouth parted, he shoved his tongue in dominantly and explored around my mouth.

_No!_

I bit down hard on his tongue and he pulled away immediately, spitting a small droplet of blood on the ground.

I didn't wait a second for the punch that I knew was going to come.

It always came…Even when I didn't fight back…

I turned around and bolted back into the guild.

My body was shaking and I was breathing heavily.

_It's just a nightmare. It can't be real._

I hugged myself and closed my eyes.

It was just a bad dream, nothing else.

I heard the door behind me open and close, revealing a pissed off Ryan walking towards me.

My heart sunk.

I walked towards the main area where everyone was, putting on my stupid grin even though I was shaking like crazy.

"S-So that's our guild! Welcome!" I said in a cheerful, loud voice.

Ry grabbed me by my arm and whispered in a low voice.

"I will have you again." he said.

Some guild members called him over to welcome him and talk, so Ry let my arm go and walked away.

I felt numb.

I walked slowly over to the table Gray was seated at.

Gray looked up at me, noticing my distant look.

He put an arm around me.

"Hey, you ok?" he asked.

I looked down into my lap.

_No._

He was back.

My worst nightmare…was a reality.


	4. Chapter 4

**Sorry for the extremely late update. I had a theater trip to New York and a bunch of swim meets and I went to a concert and yeeaa. My life decided to be active these last few months :P but good news is, summer is 2 week away which means I have 3 months to update relentlessly hehehe**

-Gray's POV-

I took a seat with Erza and Lucy, the only people at the table; Juvia wasn't around.

_Was she really that upset?_

I shrugged off the idea and noted to myself that I'd try to hook her up with Lyon or something.

I was too happy to think of her right now.

"What's up with you today?" Lucy asked.

I turned to her with a smile.

At that moment, words were not needed.

The blonde jumped up in delight, clapping her hands and squealing.

She had known about my crush on Natsu and it didn't take her long to realize that we've finally confessed to each other.

"Took you guys long enough!" she continued.

Erza put on a huge grin and stood up.

"Attention, members of Fairy Tail! I have a huge announcement to make" she bellowed to the guild.

"Natsu and Gray have officially started dating!" she finished.

Everyone in the guild started cheering and laughing, as if they were waiting for this moment for years, which was probably true.

Why did Erza take everything to the extreme?

I felt a small blush creep into my cheeks but I ignored it and searched for Natsu, hoping to catch the fireballs reaction.

He wasn't inside, probably showing the back of the guild to the newbie.

I turned away, slightly disappointed.

It would've been funny to see the dragon slayer blushing like crazy and overreacting.

I leaned back and put my feet on the table.

_I wonder who the newbie is…_

Seconds later I noticed Natsu walking towards me with a slightly off look.

I put my arm around him when he sat down, my eyebrows furrowed in concern.

_What happened?_

"Hey, you ok?" I asked.

I didn't get a reply.

Natsu was just staring at his lap.

Did something happen with the new guy? What was going on?

I noticed Lucy and Erza staring at Natsu.

I pulled him up by his arm and led him outside.

He followed slowly.

Once we were outside I grasped Natsu by his shoulders and looked him in the eye, searching for some sort of answer in them.

"Natsu! Hey! What's going on?!" I asked again with a worried tone.

I don't think I could ever get used to Natsu being like this.

He was always… cheerful. I grew up with him thinking he was the guy you could never break.

But he was breaking down right in front of me.

These last few days felt like being hit by a train.

My whole reality of Natsu was smashed into pieces.

It didn't matter though, I still loved him and I would try to help him as much as I could.

If he wasn't the man you couldn't break than I would try to help him get there.

I would pick up the pieces and put them back together in a stronger way… if I could…

"Natsu..." I whispered.

What could _I _do anyway…

"W-Where's Happy?" he asked in a small voice.

Lucy and Erza rushed out of the guild, running towards us.

"What's going on Gray?" Lucy asked.

_If I only knew…_

"I haven't seen Happy in awhile" Natsu continued. His head snapped up, tears in his eyes.

"Where's Happy?" he asked again.

Erza, Lucy and I looked at each other in confusion.

"We don't know" we all replied.

Natsu let a pained laugh and coughed, rubbing his eyes.

"He's probably just fishing, right? Yeah, I'll go by the lake if he doesn't come back tomorrow" he answered with a grin.

Erza and Lucy looked at each other.

"Are you ok Natsu?"Erza asked.

"I hate that question" he said under his breath. "Of course I'm fine, Erz. I'm just..er… going to take a walk with Gray. Don't worry about us, we'll meet up with you guys later" he added in a more audible voice.

He pulled me down the street, waving back to the girls.

I stumbled as he kept pulling me down the road.

"Where're we going?" I asked.

I felt so lost.

One minute Natsu was on the verge of tears, the next he was fine and I don't even know how he is now.

I didn't know anything anymore.

I simply followed him in hopes that he would tell me something, anything.

-Natsu's POV-

_Fuck, this can't be happening again._

I can't break down and cry in front of Gray, AGAIN.

But Ryan was here… in the guild…

I didn't know what to do.

I dragged Gray by the river close to Lucy's house and sat myself on the ledge near the water.

"Natsu, what's going on with you?" he asked me.

Gray took a seat next to me and stared.

_Should I tell him about Ry?_

Honestly, I just wanted to tell everything to Gray. I felt that if I opened up to him and told him about… things, then somehow I could be free of Ryan's hold on me.

But…

What if Ryan even manipulated Gray into liking him? Would Gray stop believing me?

Would he… trust Ryan more than he trusts me?

I didn't like Ryan being here.

He always had an ulterior motive and it was never a good one.

Somehow, I didn't think he was only here to make me 'his' again…

Besides, since when was Ry a mage?

"Natsu!" Gray shouted.

I hadn't even realized him trying to get my attention.

"Sorry, I was… lost in thought" I replied.

I didn't know why Ryan was here and no matter how freaked I was, I needed to figure out his intentions before I acted impulsively.

_For the first time, I'm gonna make a plan, huh?_

I looked back at Gray and his worried expression.

"I'm sorry for making you worry so much. It's just that…. Well…" I looked down.

_How do you even word this?_

"Ryan, the new guy, is an old …friend. I wasn't expecting him to show up at Fairy Tail." I continued.

Gray continued to stare with a thoughtful look.

"I see… I'll keep an eye on him then." He replied.

"W-What?"

"Well… from the way you reacted, I don't think he's someone I can trust. I don't know what happened between you, but you're with me Natsu, and I will never let anything hurt you" he added with a smile.

I could sense my shocked look on my face. I let out a soft laugh.

Why was I even worried, I had Lucy and Erza and above all I had Gray.

Gray wrapped his arms around me and I sat there in his embrace.

He made me feel so safe, that I got lost in his warmth.

Still… Ryan was a big stain from my past and the absence of Happy made me even more uneasy.

I didn't want to make Gray worry.

No matter how much he wanted to help, I couldn't let him get too involved… or he might get hurt too.

I decided to try and solve this on my own, no matter how many breakdowns I had.

I can't let Ryan hurt anyone in Fairy Tail.

**Sorry for the short chapter, final exams are coming up so I still don't have time to update. I will get on top of this story ASAP during summer and hopefully things will start getting a little more interesting :3 See you guys soon and please review I love hearing your opinions and if you have anything on your mind that you'd want me to add, please share. **


	5. Chapter 5

**Helloo yay, it's summer (finally). I'm in Turkey but I got wifi so now I can do wonderful internet stuff. Here's a shortish chapter. Hopefully I'll update within the week. The formatting gets really weird towards the middle but Enjoy~**

_-Natsu's POV-_

I walked into the guild alone the next morning around six. I was never up this early but I couldn't really sleep last night so I decided to hang out here until Gray showed up.

Though I don't think he was going to wake up anytime soon, considering we stayed up late watching a movie and playing around.

I smiled to myself.

Gray was so perfect.

I sat at an empty table and Mira came and dropped a plate of food and juice in front of me with a smile. She was always working hard.

"First time I've seen you up and out this early Natsu. What's the occasion?" she asked, clearly amused. "Say, I didn't see Gray walk home last night" she added, trying hard to hold back a grin.

I rolled my eyes.

"Bite me" I replied.

"I think Gray beat me to it" she said, softly laughing and pointing at the hickey/bite mark on my neck.

I quickly readjusted my scarf, blushing like a maniac.

"S-Shut up" I stammered while averting my eyes.

Mira laughed and walked off.

I don't think I would ever get used to people teasing me about dating Gray.

While I was lost in thought, Ryan walked in and sat next to me as I picked up a piece of bread.

"Morning beautiful" he whispered into my ear.

"What do you want?" I asked without looking up from my food.

My good mood was instantly ruined.

"Well, for starters, you" he said with a grin.

I glared at him.

I didn't know what to do. I wanted to investigate why he was here but I did not want to spend a single second with him. Plus I had Gray.

Ryan was just a problem.

I hoped that stupid ice princess would show up before Ryan starts anything again.

"Why're you here Ry?" I asked, ignoring his previous remark.

He shrugged.

"Reasons" he answered.

I could've sworn a shadow passed over his face.

There was definitely something weird about his appearance into the guild.

There was also the fact that he was an earth mage. I hadn't known he could use magic when we were kids, and I doubt that he suddenly started to.

"What kind of reasons?" I repeated.

Ryan leaned forwards and took some cheese and bread from my plate, stuffing it in his mouth.

I did nothing but glare at him.

"Eh, what the hell, I'll tell you. It's not like it's a big deal" he responded with his mouth full.

My eyes widened with shock. I wasn't expecting him to just tell me, there's no way he would.

He wasn't an honest person like that.

Ryan swallowed my food and crossed his legs.

"Your dad sent me" he said.

One sentence.

One sentence was enough to make my world turn upside down.

As if his appearance wasn't enough, he had to drag _him_ into it.

I stared at the table, trying to keep my hands from shaking.

"What for?" I managed to say without my voice cracking, though I'm pretty sure Ryan knew I was scared and he would most likely use it to his advantage.

Ryan moved his right hand towards mine, circling a finger on the top of my hand.

"Why don't you come back, Natsu?" he said with a small, innocent smile.

It made me want to puke.

"Haven't you had your fun? Stop rebelling against your father and come home… with me" he added as he tangled his finger with mine.

I pulled my hand away sharply and glared at him.

"No thanks." I replied coldly.

He grabbed my wrist and leaned his face close to mine and smiled.

"I think I like you better when you play hard to get" he whispered softly.

At that moment I saw a certain blue haired angel walk through the doors and I jumped out of my seat, yanking my hand away from Ry and ran towards Gray.

"Gray!" I shouted and almost tackled him, I was so relieved to see him and also get away from Ryan.

_-Gray's POV-_

The minute I stepped into the guild, I was attacked by a Natsu.

I let out a small laugh and wrapped my arms around him, kissing him on the cheek.

"Good morning to you sunshine!" I joked. "Why are you even up this early?" I asked as I looked around the guild.

Mira was drying some beer glasses and the new kid was sitting at a table and staring straight at us.

Were Natsu and him talking or something?

He noticed me looking and glared right into my eyes, crossing his arms.

"I couldn't sleep" Natsu said with a grin "So I decided to come here and wait for you"

I averted my gaze back to Natsu and pulled him towards a table further away from the newbie.

"Can't do anything without me huh?" I teased.

"Shut up, yes I can. I just choose not to" he replied with a blush.

I laughed.

"Right" I replied with a grin.  
My mind was still thinking about the new guy.  
What was his relationship with Natsu? Natsu had said friend but I had my suspicions.  
I wanted to talk to him, alone. I didn't want the fireball worried about him and I also had my own selfish reasons.  
Lucy, Erza, Gajeel, Levy and Juvia came to our table in a big, loud group.  
Gajeel and Levy were holding hands and being cute, they had started dating a month ago and we barely saw them alone anymore.  
"Hey guys!" Lucy greeted Natsu and I.  
Natsu grinned and immediately started talking with the blonde. Erza found her way into the conversation. I kissed Natsu on the cheek and got up from the table.  
Juvia was sheepishly sitting at the edge.  
"Hey Juvia" I asked awkwardly.  
"Hello Gray" she said with a small smile.  
I took out a crumpled post it and wrote down a number.  
"So um... I talked to my close friend Lyon the other day. He's looking for a girl and I thought maybe you might like him. I don't know..." I rambled on.  
She jumped up and grabbed the paper with a smile.  
"Thanks so much! Juvia appreciated you thinking of her" she skipped off, most likely looking for a phone.  
I felt a little relieved that I kinda patched things up with her.  
I walked away from the table towards the new guy and sat in front of him.  
He looked up from a book he had started reading, quirking an eyebrow.  
"May I help you?" he asked with a clearly fake smile.  
I crossed my arms and put one leg over another, also raising my eyebrow.  
"As a matter of fact, you can" I replied coldly.  
He closed his book, facing me fully.  
Good, I thought. At least he's taking me seriously now.  
"Ryan" he reached out a hand.  
I kept my hands crossed.  
"Gray" I replied. He slowly retracted his hand.  
There was no need to be friendly because I wasn't planning on becoming his friend.  
I just wanted information.  
"So, how do you know Natsu?" I asked.  
He chuckled. "Right to the point. I like that" he responded. "He's an... old friend" He smiled. "Close friend" he added, stressing the word 'close'.  
I didn't change my composure; I wouldn't give him the satisfaction.  
"Right" I said nonchalantly. "Did you come here because of Natsu?" I asked.  
He waited a couple seconds before answering this one.  
"Yes" he replied.  
"I don't know if you know this yet, but Natsu is my boyfriend." I stared him in the eye, keeping my cold gaze. "So I wouldn't get your hopes up"  
I kept my stare and he held it for a good twenty seconds.  
He smiled. "Don't worry, I'm not a hopeless romantic" he said, dropping my gaze.  
Ryan grinned. "Though I would tell the same to you" he added, looking at me with a Cheshire smile "Considering he won't be staying at the guild for long"  
He stood up and put his book in his pocket.  
"Nice to meet you, Gray Fullbuster" he said and walked off.  
I sat there, noticing he called me by my last name.  
I hadn't told him my last name.

And what did he mean Natsu wasn't staying at the guild for long?  
I slowly got up and made my way to the table, sitting next to Natsu.  
"Where'd you go?" he asked.  
"Oh, er, bathroom" I lied.  
He smiled at me and nuzzled his head into my neck.  
I planted a kiss on his pink head, trying not to think of my conversation with Ryan.

We would figure something out.

Natsu was staying and to hell if I was going to let someone like Ryan take him away.

**Again, Sorry about the weird formatting I copy pasted it from my email cuz I typed half of it on my phone and I couldn't fix it. technology hates me lol I hope everyone is having a great summer! **


	6. Chapter 6

**Sorry minna, I've been too sick to write anything for awhile. Its gonna be a pretty short chap but I'll make it up the next one.**

_-Natsu's POV-_

I had spent most of my day with Gray and the others but my mind was constantly filled with Ryan, my dad and what they wanted.

Around late afternoon I kissed Gray goodbye and told him I was going to head home early.

My brain was too overwhelmed.

I walked towards the lake near my house, hoping to find Happy, considering I hadn't seen him for a couple of days.

_Even if he was out fishing, he would be back by now…_

I walked past some tall trees and along the shore, shouting Happy's name.

_-Gray's POV-_

I didn't know what to say when Natsu decided to go home early, it was only 4 pm.

We kissed and I started heading towards my own home.

I knew his mind was probably full, and so was mine, I kept thinking about Ryan and his ill, yet unknown intentions of coming to Fairy Tail.

"Thinking of the bastard…" I mumbled to myself.

I saw Ryan talking to a magical projection rising from his wristband.

"You want me to target his boyfriend or whatever, right?" Ryan asked the projection.

"I believe it will make our life easier. Just knock him out and bring him here. He probably cares about him more than he does the cat anyway" a deep voice answered before the projection disappeared.

_Happy? What the hell were these people doing?_

I stood tense, realizing that he was probably talking about me and got into my fighting stance.

No way was Ryan taking me anywhere, I promised Natsu I would stay by him.

Before I could attack Ryan, a wall of mud enveloped me and trapped me inside a solid coffin.

My arms didn't have enough room to move and strike the wall in front of me and I doubt I could freeze the solid coffin.

I screamed in frustration.

"Ryan! What the hell are you up to?!"

I heard my attacker chuckle.

"You'll find out soon enough" he replied.

I felt the coffin moving and I couldn't hear Ryan's annoying laugh anymore.

_Shit…_

_-Natsu's POV-_

I sat along the edge of the lake, having no luck in finding Happy.

I found a rock and threw it into the water ungracefully.

_Where could he be?_

I laid back, letting out an exasperated sigh.

About ten minutes later I heard a pair of feet crunch its way towards me in the grass.

"Hey there beautiful, care to come back home with me _now_?"

"Go away Ry. If I remember correctly, I turned you down nicely before; don't make me kick your ass"

The man above me snorted, _clearly _amused.

"Yea, as if you could take me" he mumbled.

I slowly stood up, glaring at Ryan.

"Anyway, I was hoping you'd change your mind if I told you I had your pet and 'lover' locked away somewhere safe" he added, smiling evilly at my widening eyes.

"Y-You're bluffing…" I whispered.

No wonder I couldn't find Happy, that jerk had cat-napped him.

"Not really, no." he sighed, "Your dad is getting extremely inpatient and even though he would_ prefer_ you come at your own free will, at this point we don't really have a choice but to threaten you. So, either come with me or I'll collect the rest of the guild and massacre them. How does that sound? And don't try to fight me; my magic isn't just some petty earth type. Your dad built me to suppress you, you don't have a chance babe." Ryan smirked smugly.

I looked down.

"If I come with you… Will you let Gray and Happy go?" I asked, feeling extremely small.

Ryan wrapped an arm around my shoulders and nipped at my ear, making me flinch at the process.

"If you comply with your father's wishes, naturally, we will" he purred in my ear.

A tear fell from the corner of my eye.

_I'm sorry Gray… I'm only doing this so you can be safe._

_Please don't hate me…_

"Fine. Let's go then."

Ry let out a small chuckle and pulled me towards him and enveloping us in earth.

_Instant transport_, I thought to myself and suddenly became sick.

Why did the ground have to be a transport?!

I turned around and barfed on Ryan's chest.

If I hadn't had motion sickness, I probably would've laughed at the face he made.

_Suits him righ-_

Another wave of nausea hit me and I clutched my stomach.

"Damn you Natsu and your motion sickness! We're not even on a transportation vehicle!" I heard Ryan scream like a little girl when I puked on him.

I smiled a little at that, before the earth around us stopped moving and we arrived inside a dark chamber with a few candles lit around the top of the circular walls.

I heard a low, grumbling voice drawl out my name.

"Natsu…"

I stumbled forward, wiping my face.

"Blegh" I coughed as I slowly got over my sickness.

"Hey dad" I grimaced.

A tall man with a wicked grin walked out of the shadows.

He was wearing a silk, red snake skin suit and his blood red hair glowed under the dim lit room.

He outstretched a clawed hand and his pointy teeth looked menacing. You could see the few scales on his face glimmer under the flickering candles.

"Welcome home my son" he growled.

I grudgingly took his hand and he pulled me into a tight hug, a hand running through my hair.

"I've missed you" Igneel added, even though I knew it was a lie.

He didn't miss me, he missed me being his dog and doing all his dirty work.

I was nothing but a toy to him, even though I was his only son by blood.

It made me sick.

**Again, sorry it's short. I've been sick for awhile and roaming from hospital to hospital as well as country to country. I felt bad that I hadn't updated for awhile so I thought a short little chapter wouldn't hurt. If you guys have anything you want to see in the upcoming chapters, let me know. Please please review because your reviews make my day (even though I sometimes don't respond unless it's a question, I read it and I've jumped around the house smiling like a fool on some occasions :3) Hope you guys are enjoying life**


	7. Chapter 7

**Thank you, all who have been reviewing, you don't know how much I appreciate it. Its literally my motivation to write and makes me extremely happy hehe please continue ;D**

**Something I thought I should clear up (considering I got a review about it) yes, in my fic Igneel is Natsu's actual dad, because in the anime he's kind of a father figure and all that good stuff. I didn't make him an actual dragon though but oh well. I'm obviously not sticking verbatim to the anime**

**I tried writing a bit more than what I usually do so I hope you guys will be happy with this chapter :3 I'll try to write a mega, ultra long chapter one of these days! I might have to get surgery (something about reconstructing my tendons cuz apparently I ripped them and I gots nothing connecting my foot to my leg) so either I'll be too drugged up with pain meds to write or I'll be so drugged up with pain meds that I'll write a lot lol**

**Thanks again for the reviews; I love you all, more than Ryan loves stealing other guys' boyfriends XD **

_-Natsu's POV-_

"I've missed you" Igneel said in a low voice.

I used to believe this man loved me with all his heart, that he would never hurt his little boy.

The hurt and pain of those past years washed over me and I felt helpless.

I was his again.

He trailed his hand up and down my back.

"Aren't you going to embrace your father, oh Natsu dear?" he asked in his cutest voice which made him sound even creepier than he already was.

I slowly brought my arms up and wrapped them around him, trying really hard not to gag.

"Now that you're back, you can get to your usual business" he said as he pulled away from the hug. "You know how daddy relies on you, Natsu-poo" he said with a grin.

"I only agreed to come under the condition you let Happy and Gray go" I stated calmly.

Igneel let out a low chuckle that sent shivers down my spine.

"I believe the deal was I'd let them go if you obeyed me, and right now, I'm feeling not so obeyed" he grinned maliciously.

The only thing I could do was clench my fists.

Dammit. I knew he'd pull something like this!

Well... it was worth try…

"I've been doing some...research lately so I've fallen behind on the general work. Y'know, the dealing, the killing and all that good stuff; so since you're _finally _back, you can

start picking up the slack for me. Ryan's been such help these past few years, as always, but I can't bear to tire him out anymore" he pouted cutely.

I glared at him intensely, hoping I'd be able to burn him with my eyes; considering fire magic was nothing to him. I had learned everything I know from this man; I didn't

have a chance against him.

Hopelessly I sighed and rubbed the back of my neck.

"Will I get to see Gray and Happy?" I asked, knowing the answer already.

"When I see fit. I am your father after all. Your own flesh and blood!" He chuckled. "I say, you've been quite a rebellious teen, disobeying your father and running off like

that. Think of this as your punishment." He turned away and went back to his throne in the debts of the room.

I knew the drill; I left the dark room and exited into a stone hall with prison-like chambers along the walls. They each contained 'clients' or people who had gone against my

dad's underground organization known as the Burning Dragons; name courtesy of my dad's not-so-original imagination. Usually my dad had someone dispose of them or

teach them a lesson, depending on the severity of their actions; but by the stench of the place, he had indeed neglected this particular job; which left me to deal with them

like I always had.

I hadn't known my dad was the leader of the most notorious organization in Fiore until I was 12, when he introduced me to it. I had done some of his odd jobs until I couldn't

take it anymore.

I ran away when I was 15 and ran into Gramps in Magnolia. I had told him my story and he gave me a small, pained smile I will never forget. He told me he would take me

into his guild and that he would ask one of the members, Mystogan, to put a spell on the other members so they would think I had been there since I was very young;

nobody would know my true identity and I would be safe; that was the plan. I remember crying my eyes out of happiness and relief.

Now I was back to the life of torment.

I sighed and went to the end of the hall where the cells got smaller.

Basically, if you were put in a small cell it meant you were going to die.

The typical way I used to kill prisoners were to burn them alive.

I never enjoyed their screams but it had to be done and less blood, the better.

I opened a small cupboard next to another door leading elsewhere and pulled out a hose.

I had added it in the middle of my first year; it sprayed gasoline over the people.

After I had sprinkled the foul smelling substance inside a dozen or so cells, I lit a fireball in my hand and looked at it sadly.

I really didn't want to do this.

Suddenly whispers erupted inside the lifeless cages.

They all knew they were going to die but seeing someone different coming to 'take care' of them had riled them up a bit. I bet they were hoping for a less painful death too

and were disappointed/scared to see the flame.

I tossed my fireballs into the cells and prevented myself from cringing because of those shrill cries echoing throughout the chamber.

I couldn't look weak, no matter how weak I was; I knew that much.

The smell of burnt flesh and hair filled the narrow room; and the other prisoners, stirred from the sudden massacre of their acquaintances, threw themselves to the front of

their cells.

They shouted words I didn't register.

I caught one asking what was going to happen to them and another asking me who I was. They all reached forward, some covering their mouths from the smell.

The noise broke with a loud, raspy laughter.

The man kept on laughing until everyone in the cells had shut up.

"You fools" he said in a low, solemn tone. "This man is Natsu Dragneel, your worst nightmare" he laughed bitterly. "You've finally returned, eh?" he asked me.

I shivered as I realized I knew this voice.

It belonged to a man that was assigned to my torture chamber for the three years I had been here. The things my father had requested me to do to this man gave me

nightmares for months; I don't think I could put it into words.

Of course he didn't know any of this, and thought of me as a ruthless, sadistic boy from day one.

Maybe I was. Maybe I was a terrible person and deserved being my father's slave.

The only thing I had ever known was fighting and killing.

I didn't deserve the guild, Happy or Gray.

"Miss me?" I answered bitterly.

Maybe this was who I was: evil. Pure evil.

So why was it that I felt the need to curl up into someone as good as Gray?

_-Gray's POV-_

After the rock coffin around me disappeared, I was shoved into a small room with a bed and toilet.

There wasn't a single window and the only light that illuminated the desolate room were the few candles around the circular wall.

"Gray!" I heard a small voice cry out.

I squinted to see who it was that had spoken.

"…Happy?" I answered.

"Aye sir!"

I shuffled to the back of the room and found my way next to the blue cat.

"Why are you here? How long have you been here? What's going on? Where's Natsu?" I asked Happy as I held him by his small shoulders.

"Eek, calm down!"

I let go of the small creature and took a large breath, folding my arms and legs. Happy straightened himself and began to talk.

"I had gone on a small fishing trip while I let Natsu cool down and this giant man grabbed me and dragged me into this smelly room. I've been here for a few weeks. As far

as the guards told me, you and I are being held prisoner so Natsu will come here, though I don't know why they want him here. I mean, he can't possibly know these mean

people" he stated matter-of-factly.

"…? Do you know where we are and who these people are? Is there a way out? What about Natsu?" I asked in urgency. I didn't know what was going on and the only thing I

wanted to do was find Natsu and keep him safe. I didn't know Ryan's intentions or how he knew Natsu in the first place and being held captive in a room like this made me

felt so useless.

The cat scratched the back of his head.

"Oh, I don't know any of that" he answered.

I let out a scream and punched the wall.

_This was so fucking confusing!_

I needed information and I needed it now! What if Natsu was in trouble, what if he was hurt, or sad or crying?

I just wanted to hold the pinkette in my arms and forget about Ryan and whatever the hell was going on.

"What am I suppose to do?! Nothing?!" I asked nobody in particular. I threw myself on the bed and groaned.

"This is going to be torture" I stated.

"You have no idea" a voice laughed behind me. At that moment Happy screamed and threw himself into a far away part of the room- I'd say it was the corner, but the room was circular so…

I turned around to see Ryan's giant figure looming in the background.

"Bastard!" I jumped off the bed and charged him, landing a hit to his jaw with a left hook.

He barely stumbled and laughed, rubbing the already bruising spot where I had struck him.

"Nice one" he smiled back."I'm sure I'll have many chances to repay you in full."

"What do you want? Where's Natsu?" I growled out, ignoring his comment.

The only thing I cared about was Natsu.

He waved a hand in the air "Don't worry about him; he's just doing what he was brought up to do. You might even see him soon enough. I don't know for sure though, it

depends on Leader's mood" Ryan took a step into the room.

"I just stopped by to see you" he snorted. "I mean, what does Natsu sees in you anyway?" he leaned against a wall, gazing sternly.

I was a little surprised he was thinking about that, I gave him a small smirk.

"Why, you jealous?" I asked.

At that question Ryan let out a huge, boisterous laugh.

"Oh god no!" he wiped a tear forming at the edge of his eye, still giggling. "I know for a fact that Natsu will be mine in no time. He always needs someone to help him from

falling; and no matter how much he hates me, he'll definitely come to me. If that wasn't the case, Natsu would've… Eh, whatever, my point being: you don't matter, and you

won't be in the picture for long"

"Then why'd you ask that question?" I asked with a raised eyebrow. This guy _really_ pissed me off.

He scratched the back of his head.

"Er…I was curious… You don't seem like any of the people Natsu would've hung out with… in fact I didn't think he would hang out with anyone. I was surprised to see that he

was friends with almost the entire guild, not that it matters" he pushed himself off the wall and walked inside to sit on the bed, which was really the only place he could sit;

besides the toilet, I guess.

I glared. "Natsu's one of the kindest people at the guild, everyone respects him. I don't see why you would think so badly of him; of course we like him, why wouldn't we?" I

asked, annoyed.

He gave me a weird look. "You really don't know anything about Natsu, do you? Besides the lies he's got all of you guild people fooled with, you don't know anything" his face

darkened.

"The real Natsu is one of the most ruthless people I know. If I knew that I couldn't overpower him or that he wasn't afraid of me" he said with a sadistic grin before his face

grew dark once more "I wouldn't go near that guy. "He's nothing like how you think he is" he finished.

A shiver went down my spine.

Natsu was a violent, loudmouthed, crazy-

_No… he wasn't…_

I remembered Natsu breaking down, sobbing. It was a Natsu I had never seen. It was a side I had never known about Natsu. He really wasn't the boisterous, silly teen

everyone thought him to be.

Ryan was right, I didn't know much about Natsu; but I knew that what Ryan said was wrong!

Natsu _was_ kind and he cared for the guild. Even if everything was a lie, I knew that the feelings Natsu carried for me and the others were genuine.

You can't fake love, no matter the shape or form.

Ryan got up from the bed and walked out the door "I'll be back to entertain later, don't worry" he added as he shut the door and locked it.

_Yea, like I'd give a damn if I didn't see that bastard again._

He was the one who didn't known shit about Natsu, not me. I had known Natsu my whole life, if I wasn't going to know anything about him then who was?

That thought made me feel uneasy…

Now that I think about it, what had Ryan meant when he said Natsu was lying to me?

And another thing…

If I had known Natsu as long as I thought I did, then when and where did him and Ryan meet?

He acts like he's known Natsu for a long time but as far as I can remember; Natsu hadn't left the guild except for mission which weren't longer than three or four days.

…So where did Ryan know Natsu from?

I began to doubt myself and my knowledge of Natsu.

Do I really love someone that I don't even know? Does it even matter if I know him or not? I mean, this is Natsu for fucks sake!

My head hurt from all this thinking and my body was exhausted.

I didn't even think I had enough emotional stamina to keep me going. I felt so drained from life.

I slowly laid myself on the bed, Happy coming out of the place he had hid when Ryan came in; I felt bad that the cat had been tormented by such an asshole, but my eyelids

were growing heavy and I didn't feel like talking.

"Gray… you ok?"

I ignored Happy and shut my eyes.

_Natsu…Where are you…_

I hugged myself and drifted off into unconsciousness.

**Ok, yeah the formatting a bit weird, sorry.I tried fixing it as best as I could. I can't bring my computer everywhere so I end up typing on my phone and when I copy and paste it to my laptop, it gets messed up; bear with me, please.**

**LET THE REVIEWS FLOW! Please? Pretty please with a Gray and Natsu sex scene on top? *insert hopeful, sparkling eyes* **

**Gray: Are you seriously trying to bride your readers with a sex scene…?**

**Me: Ehem, er, no definitely not… *evil grin* Why're you complaining? Would you rather I write a sex scene with you and Ryan? **

**Gray: *eyes widen* Y-you wouldn't…?!**

**Me:…Hehehe**

**Totally unrelated, I'm so happy they're making the anime for DMMD AAAAAAAhhh the yaoi goodness hehe ok bai! Please review! I'll be waiting… muhahahaha**


	8. Chapter 8

**Yes, I know, I'm a terrible person for making you wait all the time. You are free to hurt me but please review after you do so, ne? ^.^ I tried to ****make it a bit more upbeat than the previous chapter, cuz..well.. the next ones are probably not going to be he..he.. BUT, I kept my promise for this chapter so ;) Hope you like it!**

_-Natsu's POV-_

I hadn't slept all night; hoping that if I finished most of the undone work, I would get to see Gray.

I _needed _to see Gray.

If I didn't see him soon, I don't think I could keep my one gram of sanity.

The cells had been emptied out, besides the permanent torture victims.

I had beaten, cut, burnt everyone else; and either disposed of the bodies or let them go for now.

That's how the system here worked; some died some lived under watch.

I went through a couple more halls and found my room.

My hands and clothes were covered in blood and ashes, but I didn't care right now.

When I opened the dusty doorknob, a sense of nostalgia swept over me.

I stepped in and shut the door closed, looking at the decorations my twelve year old self thought suitable.

The walls were colored pitch black and there were pictures of men bloodied and half naked; pictures of my previous victims.

Some were slowly burnt to a crisp; some had been gashed open to the bone…

There were my old 'toys' I used to use when I tortured those men lined up on a long table.

It all used to be a game for me, until I realized what I was doing was wrong.

Or maybe I never realized it was wrong, I just realized I was being used.

I don't remember my thoughts from back then; I wasn't even sure of things now.

I had forced myself to forget and currently, it felt like every past memory was being shoved back into my head.

My feet automatically led me to my bed and I threw myself on it.

I turned my back to the pictures on the wall, trying to erase the faces of all the people I had hurt.

I wrapped my arms around myself and pulled my knees to my chest, lying in a fetal position.

Why did I have to be here? Why couldn't I be back at the guild with Gray?

I needed him.

I needed him to hold me and tell me he'd always be with me.

My body involuntarily started to tremble.

Would Gray even want to see my face after this thing had blown over?

…would this thing _ever _end?

If Gray learned the truth and that I had lied to him when I was at the guild, would he care?

It's not like all our memories were fake… just the memory of him knowing me since I was really young. So it's not like I had _completely _lied to him.

And first of all, it wasn't only him so he shouldn't even be mad about it!

I groaned, thinking hurt. I wasn't known for my brain power.

I guess I wouldn't blame him if he hated me forever; I was a monster anyway.

I started laughing dryly, putting a bloody hand on my face to wipe the tears away.

Yeah, I _was_ disgusting; a total monster.

…And Gray probably hated me already.

But…I still needed to see him.

No matter how he felt, I loved him and I wanted him.

I needed to talk to him… and soon. I just needed to feel his warmth.

I needed to see Gray, I was losing myself and I couldn't take it.

I stumbled off my bed and ran out of the room to find my father's room. I stopped in front of the door and knocked.

"Come in~" a deep voice sang from inside.

I slowly pushed the door open and was greeted with a horrid sight, I didn't care anymore though. I had seen it so many times before. There were three bodies, half

alive, hanging from the ceiling and cut in various places.

My father was sitting at his desk with a pink substance running into his arm from a needle; his 'experiment' as he liked to call it.

"Oh Natsu-chan! I heard you thinned out the dungeons. Good job" he smiled.

I looked down in response, frowning.

_Good job Natsu, for killing people and making your psychopath dad happy._

"Hey dad... Can I go see Gray" I asked. I assumed he'd say no anyway but I needed to see Gray, so I asked him for permission.

After a long silence and a laugh from Igneel, he responded.

"Yeah, sure, go ahead. You're toy is upstairs in the third room to the left"

He turned away and started scribbling in a notebook, humming a creepy lullaby.

I immediately walked out and went upstairs.

I was surprised that he let me go but I wasn't surprised that my dad thought Gray was some toy to me. He could never understand how I felt. He probably thought it

silly that I was so attached to Gray. He chose to be a monster and didn't care of anything but destruction.

I didn't want to be like that. I was a monster but not because I wanted it. I just was.

Gray made me feel like I was normal. He made me feel happy and loved; something I hadn't felt in a long time.

And despite the fact that I was some sick person, who enjoyed hurting others, I loved Gray and I never wanted to hurt him.

Ever.

I made it to the room where Gray was supposedly held and a guard came to unlock it.

Gray's sleeping figure was dimly illuminated as well as Happy's in the far part of the room.

"Natsu!" The little cat squealed as he ran to me.

I walked in shock and guilt as I realized that I hadn't thought of Happy since I got here.

I immediately hugged him.

"Hey there little guy!" Tears stung my eyes. I was so glad to see Happy; I had been so worried.

As I thought these things, one of the guards in front walked in and yanked Happy out of my arms.

"Hey-!" I turned to him angrily.

He quickly cut me off stiffly.

"Only permission to see male, not cat" he said in a deep voice and walked out with a struggling Happy and closed the door. The last thing I heard was Happy

shouting: "Let me go you fat dummy!"

I just stared at the door that was shut.

Happy was gone. Where was he taken? Was he doing ok?

Damn, if I had known Happy was being held with Gray I would've asked to see him too. I should've known my dad would alert the guards.

A tear escaped the corner of my eye as I thought of Happy and how I couldn't protect him either.

I didn't notice Gray had woken up and made his way behind me. I jumped lightly when he put a hand on my shoulder.

"...Natsu?" He asked groggily, his voice was stuffy as if he had cried.

Gray cried? Was it because of me?

...I made Gray cry... I hurt Gray...

I began to tremble lightly, crying silently.

I really was a monster. A monster that even hurt the ones he loved.

Gray probably hated me. No… he definitely hated me.

The hand behind me turned me around and strong arms embraced me tenderly.

"Holy crap it is you! Natsu… You're covered in blood. W-What happened…?"

My tears stained his dirty shirt, my fingers clenching it desperately. My knees gave away and we both slowly fell to the floor, where Gray kept on holding me.

"G-Gray, I-I... I'm s-sorry..." I tried to say between light sobs.

He traced circles on my back comfortingly, using his other hand to comb his fingers through my hair.

"Natsu..." he said softly "What the hell is going on? Where have you been? I've been so worried!" I tensed slightly, not knowing exactly how to respond.

He'd surely hate me more when I explained the situation clearly to him.

I didn't want him to hate me. I just needed him right now.

I needed his warmth, his comfort, his touch.

But I also needed to explain things to him. I composed myself as much as I could and pushed myself away from him, looking down on the ground.

"W-well... Truth is, I haven't been at the guild as long as you thought I have. More like, I've only been there for three or four years..." I clenched my hands waiting

for a response from Gray; I didn't get any so I decided to continue.

"I used to live with my dad, Igneel, who I later learned was the leader of a notorious gang and crazier than Happy on coffee. He always did experiments on himself

and I was born from one of those. He raised me to work with him here and I did for a few years before I couldn't take it and ran away, ending up at the guild." My

face was wet and I was forcing myself to keep an even tone. I looked up under my bangs at Gray.

He sat there, legs sprawled to the sides, hands between them. He stared right at me with a focused look as if he was thinking extremely hard. At last he spoke.

"So...all my memories of you are fake?"

"N-not exactly..." I looked away again, his black orbs were too intense to withstand. "I don't really know how the spell Gramps asked Mystogan to put up works but

since you know about it, the fake memories should be hazy, barely imaginable now, I guess…Sorry…" my voice was almost a whisper.

There was a long pause, thirty seconds maybe a minute long but it felt eternal.

What was Gray thinking? Was he going to question me about my past?

I knew I had to tell him details later on, but I didn't think I could explain much more without having a complete mental breakdown .

Couldn't he just break the silence? It was unbearable!

"I see" Gray looked up at me with a small smile "Well that doesn't really matter because you're still my Natsu" he closed the gap between us and planted a kiss on

my cheek.

_…Wait, what…?_

How could he say that? Isn't he mad?

I lied to him! Hell, I lied to the whole guild! And besides...

"I'm not... I'm not the Natsu you know" tears ran down my eyes. "I'm a monster, a freak. The only thing I'm good at is beating up others and hurting them" I held

back my sobs, biting the inside of my mouth.

I didn't know what I expected of this conversation, had I wanted rejection? No but... I don't know... I was so angry at myself that I guess I just expected Gray to be

angry at me too.

I mean, I can't even live with myself, so how could Gray live with me?

He let out a low chuckle and pulled me closer to him, pressing his lips on my forehead.

"You really do have flames for brains, don't you?" He smirked. "You are who you want to be" he wiped the tears rolling down my cheek. "Either way, I don't care. I'll

love you always, dumbass; monster, freak and all."

I am who I wanted to be...? And Gray didn't hate me...

He didn't hate me. He loved me...always. Just thinking those made me feel better. I got to forget the pain that drove me here.

The only thing occupying my mind was Gray.

Why couldn't he be near me all the time? I knew once I left here, the same things would come haunting my mind. I would have to continue with the work I hated and

sooner or later I would be consumed by the pain from it. The only person, who could stop that from happening, was here, locked in some room that was usually off-

limits for me.

But I didn't want to think about that right now. I didn't want to feel sadness. I just wanted to feel the happiness that Gray gave to me.

I lunged myself at Gray, pinning him, my hands on his shoulders. I smiled through my tears.

I let out a relieved laugh.

"You really are the best, ice princess" I nuzzled into his neck and added, "I love you so much" I sobbed out.

_-Gray's POV-_  
I wrapped an arm around Natsu as he nuzzled into me.

I had already been thinking about him since Ryan showed up and I decided that I really didn't care of Natsu's past, no matter what anyone said to try and scare me.

It hurt knowing that I was deceived but I cared for him too much.

After Natsu's confession my mind was fully made up.

I did love him and nothing could change that. And I would never believe that Natsu would ever hurt me.

There were still a bunch of question in my mind and bigger problems to be addressed, but for now I wanted to ignore them.

I just wanted to have this moment with Natsu.

…_.who knows the next chance I'll get to see him…_

I felt his hot breath on my neck as he moved in closer to me.

"…Gray…?" he mumbled softly into my ear, when I looked over I could see a hint of a blush on his cheeks.

_Fuck, Natsu's so adorable._

_Shut up, Gray! This is not the time or place to think about this and that right now._

I felt Natsu push himself up on my chest, looking into my eyes.

"Gray?" he repeated himself.

Well, I did say I wanted to enjoy this moment this moment with him…

No! No no no no NO. In a platonic, spiritual way.

We were in a freaking prisoner's room that his DAD had put me in for crying out loud! Enjoy the moment but not like _that. _

Ugh, this whole situation was so fucked up.

Ahhh, to hell with reason!

"O-oi!" Natsu exclaimed in surprise as I flipped him over and reversed our position.

I leaned down and captured his lips with mine, tracing my tongue along his lower lip.

Sometimes, when you had your cute lover in front of you, no matter how serious the situation may be, you just couldn't hold yourself back.

Right now happened to be one of those times, where I just couldn't resist my temptations.

I'm not exactly sure what snapped inside me, but I just had to have Natsu right here, right now.

I suppose I felt boyfriend-deprived from all the events of the past few days.

"Natsu, I- "before I could say anything more, Natsu pulled me down by the collar, smashing our lips together into another passionate kiss.

He pressed his body against mine, grabbing a handful of my hair and pulling me into him more.

I pulled out of the kiss, a little breathless. I leaned in and started sucking on the base of his neck until I drew blood to the surface. I could hear the little moans

escape Natsu as I nipped and sucked at other parts of his neck.

I reached under his shirt, feeling my way to his chest, tweaking a nipple while I continued to suck a spot near his jaw. I pulled his shirt over his head and planted soft

kisses along his collar bone. I looked down at his blushing face, eyes half-lidded.

I grinded my hardening erection into his; both of us suppressing a moan.

He arched his back as I moved into him once more, looking up at me with lustful eyes. He ran a hand along my chest and tugged lightly on the waist of my pants.

"S-stop teasing…" Natsu mumbled.

I undid his pants and slipped them off with his boxers, his erection popping out. I leaned down and gave him a small peck on the lips while I grasped the base of his

cock, wiping the precum off his tip with my thumb and began to pump slowly.

Natsu let out a moan and moved into my hand.

I licked a couple fingers on my other hand and stuck one into his hole, beginning to stretch him out.

I felt him tighten up around my finger but after a while he loosened slightly so I inserted another one. I kept the steady jerking motion going with my other hand as I

pulled my fingers out, satisfied with my work.

"You sure you want to do this?" I asked Natsu, knowing that it would most likely hurt if I went in dry.

He nodded, his whole body flushed with a pink glow.

I undid my pants and lifted one of his legs above my hips, aligning myself with his entrance. I slowly inserted myself into him.

"Ngh- Gray!" Natsu moaned out as he clasped a hand on my shoulder and slammed himself against my hips. I gasped as I felt the warmth around my dick tighten.

I picked up a steady pace as I repeatedly rocked into him.

A few times Natsu would whimper in pain and pleasure.

I bent down and nibbled on his ear, whispering breathlessly.

"Natsu, I'm..gah-" before I could finish my sentence, I came inside Natsu.

A few seconds later, he followed suit.

We laid there panting, snuggled into each other.

Natsu was the first to break the comforting silence between us.

"Gray, don't laugh but… If I could chose who I wanted to be, I would chose to be the person that stays by your side forever" he mumbled shyly, hiding his face in my

chest.

I smiled, and ran my fingers through his hair.

"You know… I feel the same way towards you" I replied.

I could see a faint smile on Natsu's lips, as he tossed my pants in my face.

We pulled our clothes back on and looked at each other, smiling.

Even in a shitty situation like this, I was glad to have Natsu close by.

I pulled him into a tight hug and gave him a quick kiss on the lips.

"We'll get out of this, Natsu…Together, like always" I told him.

Before he could reply, the door opened violently with a grinning Ryan tapping his foot at the entrance.

"Very touching" he said. "But I don't think either of you are leaving anytime soon." He let out a low laugh.

"Besides… even if you left, where would you go?"

My eyes widened as I realized Ryan's true intentions.

The reason he wanted Natsu back in the first place…

Ryan dragged a struggling Natsu out.

"Gray!" Natsu kept on shouting with tears in his eyes.

I sat there, not being able to do anything.

The guild…

_What was really going on?_


	9. Chapter 9

**So junior year hit pretty hard. It's been almost an entire year since I updated this fic, I'm really sorry, but better late than never, right? My keyboard doesn't work anymore, I'm currently using the on screen keyboard (it's a total bitch) I want to finish this story in the next couple chapters, just a heads up. Thanks for all the support and thanks for sticking it out, I hope this chapter isn't too disappointing haha**

_-Natsu's POV-_

"Natsu, hi!" Happy shouted. I was walking through the guild door, everyone greeting me with a smile. Gray came up to me, kissing my cheek.

"Where've you been? I missed you." He told me.

I felt myself laughing and blushing; I reached out a hand to touch his cheek before a voice behind me chuckled.

"Yeah, Natsu; where _have _you been?" Igneel mused. "Come with daddy, boy. Daddy misses you too."

He grabbed me by the wrist, dragging me towards him.

I shouted, trying to get back to the Guild.

Tears stung my eyes as I saw everyone burning in front of me. The guild was...gone.

I felt Igneel start to chain me up, but I kept searching for Gray.

Where was he?

At that moment he came running from the burning building, his body had been engulfed in flames.

"This is all pour fault!" He kept shouting at me.

I shook my head, "No..." I whispered.

"Liar! Traitor!" he continued. "I hate you-"

I woke up instantly, tears running down my cheeks. I felt the chains around my wrists and ankles tighten with my sudden movement; for an instant I thought I was still in my dream.

Igneel had me put in one of his chambers for experimentation after Ryan came to pick me up from Gray's cell. My dad had said something about one of his experiments going wrong, so now he was going to use me as a new subject; I guess I was more compatible with him. I wasn't sure about his exact reasoning.

All I knew was that something had happened to the guild.

Igneel had promised to tell me the details after the first week of trials; if I survived.

I don't need his confirmation about the guild though; I could guess what had happened.

He had probably sent some of his goons under Ryan's command and had them destroy the guild.

I cursed softly.

_This is all my fault..._

If I hadn't ran away from Igneel in the first place, the guild wouldn't have been attacked.

Gray wouldn't have been trapped and miserable.

Happy would've been safe.

Everyone would have been fine without me.

I couldn't even save them from my own father; I only hurt them.

_I'm a monster._

I couldn't protect anything or anyone, the only thing I was good at was destruction.

But I wanted to protect all of them, I wanted to save Gray, Happy and everyone in the guild.

I might've lied to them about my past but what I feel towards them is genuine.

Even so... They might not accept me anymore.

And after Gray finds out about the guild, he won't want me with him anymore.

No matter what he says, after losing the guild he definitely wouldn't be able to stop himself from hating me.

Because I would have taken everything away from him.

_I'm sorry everyone..._

I heard the door creak open, Ryan walking in with long clear tubes and a big bag.

"Hey Natsu, how you holding up?" he asked in a soft voice, as if he actually cared.

I kept my head drooped down.

He walked towards me with scissors and cut my shirt off of me. He rubbed antiseptic over specific spots with cotton and brought over a large table with the clear tubes and other equipment.

"I see you've broken down mentally a bit; guess the beatings worked for once." Ryan smiled. "What? No protest? Good."

He reached for my chains, lowering them so I was sitting on the ground with my arms to the side.

I saw Ryan pull out a syringe and prepare it; what drug he was about to stick in me, I couldn't tell.

I felt the needle prick my skin, entering slowly.

It felt as if my whole arm was on fire. I started breathing harder than normal and my vision blurred. It was almost unbearable.

A few minutes after the pain, everything went numb. I felt like I was melting to the ground with the chains.

_I was still upright, ...right? _

I dropped my head, the simple motion made my world turn in circles.

Ryan was fiddling with tubes, some of them already inserted in various spots around my body.

_When did that happen?_

I hadn't even felt it. I couldn't focus my eyes on anything and I felt like I was going to puke.

"Ry'n..." I mumbled out trying to get him to explain himself, but words wouldn't form as coherently as I wanted them to.

He simply chuckled as if understanding my intention.

"In all honesty, I'm just doing what I'm told. I don't even know your Pops plan at this point so don't waste your energy trying to find out" I saw Ryan press a button on something inside the big bag, different colored chemicals came shooting up the tubes and into my body.

I wasn't sure if the drugs being pumped into me had any side effects; all I could focus on was my rising nausea from the previous substance Ryan had put in me.

I felt warm liquid rise up my throat and I coughed as I felt it spill onto my chest. I had my eyes closed in hopes of it preventing the world from moving.

I distantly heard Ryan laugh at my convulsing body that kept throwing up onto itself.

The door swung open violently and Igneel walked in with a grin.

"Hello my lovely child~" he greeted me.

Igneel turned to Ryan, signalling him to leave. He let out a sigh, but obeyed without a word.

After the door closed behind Ryan, Igneel let out a low chuckle.

"I was going to save this information until _after_ our playtime, but I'm so happy I feel like telling you now"

He walked towards a table with different knives and other instruments, and picked up a simple incision blade.

"Remember that silly guild you ran away to?" his eyes burned with malice. "I set it on fire."

_He... What? _

_Why?_

"Don't look at me like that" he continued. "Daddy had to teach you a lesson so you wouldn't disobey him again"

I knew he would do something like that but I still didn't want suspicions to be confirmed.

He leaned towards my ear, his breath sticking onto the back of my neck. Igneel pressed the blade along my jawline, breaking skin.

"Honestly Natsu-chan, you shouldn't be so surprised. Whose fault do you think it was in the first place?"

I turned my face away from him into the blade, letting it cut deeper. I knew the answer, but I didn't want to hear him say it.

_Stop...please stop talking..._

"Yes my darling, it was _your _fault" he laughed maniacally. "If you had stayed by my side, I would have never attacked that troublesome guild and all your so-called friends. Though I doubt they see you as friends now. You lied to them, you betrayed them and now most of them are probably dead because of you."

Yes... Igneel was right. It was all my fault.

"Are you mad? Do you hate me? You really shouldn't." Igneel questioned me with a smile, leveling his eyes with mine.

My body was too drugged to be able to respond or focus on him. I stayed unmoving, listening to Igneel.

"Hate yourself. Be angry with yourself. You're worse than me, Natsu. I choose to hurt others; but look at you, you can't control yourself at all." he chuckled.

"You're a _monster._"

_Monster?_ _I am...a monster..._

I knew that.

Of course I did.

I hurt others, I ruined everything.

No matter how much I tried to run away from that fact, it kept popping right back.

Because it was the truth.

How many people had I killed up until now? Or how many have I unintentionally harmed?

I should've never ran away.

My life at the guild was a lie, my friendships were a lie.

_Even Gray..._

I was just deceiving myself. Someone like me could never know love.

Because I was a monster, and-

"Monsters don't deserve to be loved." Igneel said as he made a deep long cut from my left shoulder to my right hip.

That's right... I was a monster and I didn't deserve to be loved.

I didn't deserve Gray or Happy, Lucy, Erza, or anyone at the guild.

They only got hurt with me around.

My body felt warm with the other drugs mixing into my system. I could somewhat feel the blood from my new wound trickle down my abdomen.

What was I going to do?

I felt lost and I didn't know how to get out of my situation.

If I had just stayed with my dad everything would have been okay.

I should just stay with Igneel now, then things should go back to normal, right?

It's not like I could go back to the guild or to Gray, I didn't want to hurt them anymore and I didn't deserve them anyway.

Maybe I could protect them somehow by doing what I used to do. What was that?

Killing?

No. Sometimes. Whatever.

I laughed softly.

Killing was the one thing I didn't mess up.

It was so fitting for a beast like me.

"Finally understand, don't you? You exist to kill. You exist to do my bidding." Igneel said happily as he fiddled with the tubes. "You're trapped here, Natsu."

_I know. _

I hated it but it was the truth.

Igneel was a deceiving fuck but right now he wasn't lying.

"I'm s'rry, father..." I said sloppily. What else could I have said? It was easier to say what he wanted to hear.

Igneel responded with a satisfactory sigh and petted my hair like he would a dog.

"Now that's a good boy. Once we pump all these wonderful chemicals I made to strengthen your abilities, you can go work for daddy like you used to okay? And we can play together again too, I got a bunch of new toys just for you. Doesn't that sound delightful?"

Does it? Who knows...

I didn't respond. What was delightful?

I didn't know and I was too scared to care.

Vaguely I heard Igneel humming and cleaning the area.

I couldn't concentrate and my eyes were slowly closing.

What was going to happen? Strengthening my flames? What jobs would he make me do once I got out of this set up? What was he going to do to Gray?

So many questions kept swirling in my head, but before I could think about it and ask Igneel another question would come up.

If he burned the guild down, did anyone survive?

Would he make me go after them?

I could never figure out what Igneel was thinking; I never needed to.

He owned me.

Sooner or later I would find out what he was after but then it would be too late.

Even if I tried to go against him, somehow I'd play right into his hands.

My eyes closed in defeat. My body felt hot and nauseous and my head hurt from over thinking.

_I give up._

If Igneel wanted me to do something I'd do it. If it kept everyone away from me I'd do anything.

It was one for my walls to go back up.

My mind slowly drifted into a drug induced sleep, shutting down involuntarily.

Igneel walked out, leaving me passed out on the floor in chains.

I wondered where he was going.

* * *

Igneel didn't come to visit me until a week later after Ryan took out all the tubes and I was moved to my usual room.

My body did feel stronger and my flames had turned black.

If I shot a fireball into an object, it spread like poison; destroying the entire thing, including the ashes.

I guess those chemicals really were to 'strengthen my abilities'.

Ryan had brought me some clothes to change into: black shirt and pants, nothing crazy.

Afterwards Igneel walked in to talk.

"You'll continue with your usual jobs" Igneel handed me a list with people's names at our meeting. "I want you to take those people out. They've been causing a lot of trouble for the gang lately."

"Okay." I responded in an apathetic tone.

Igneel's face stretched into a grin. "Before you leave, would you like to see your lover thing?" He said mockingly.

He was just playing around to see my reaction.

I wasn't going to give him the satisfaction.

Besides, I couldn't make the same mistakes again.

"No. Isn't it time you let him go? And Happy? Ryan said you would if I obeyed you" I said monotonously, gluing my emotionless eyes on Igneel.

I saw a small twitch in his grin.

"Ryan said that?" clearly he wasn't pleased with Ryan. "Alright. Why don't _you _take care of it?"

Now it was my turn to twitch.

Igneels smile came back full force.

"Fine." I said and walked away.

I wasn't upset about letting Gray and Happy free. Igneel probably would've ordered someone to kill them and this was my chance to save their lives.

I just didn't want to face them.

I went to their cell and motioned for the guards to open the door.

This time, I definitely wasn't going to let him in.

"You two follow me" I ordered as I stood at the door, eyes turned to the floor.

"Natsu! Where have you been? Are you okay? I was worried" Gray said hurriedly.

I turned around and walked down the hall, Gray and Happy following.

Happy hadn't said anything, he looked sad.

He probably understood what was going on and that this was goodbye.

Ryan was waiting at the end of the hall with a smug look.

I felt anger rise inside me but I ignored it.

If Igneel was going to involve Ryan anyway, what was the point of me taking this job.

"Don't worry, I'm just here to transport you there and back" Ryan assured me.

Rock engulfed us and we were moving fast towards the guild, I assumed.

I felt sick but I suppressed the urge to puke.

When we stopped moving, we were by a forest near the guild.

"I'll wait here." Ryan said.

I walked towards the guild, Gray and Happy following with a confused look.

"Natsu what the hell is going on?" Gray asked.

I kept shut.

The closer we got to the guild the more burnt the trees and grass became.

When we arrived, I saw that the entire guild hall had been turned to ashes.

I assumed that the survivors had moved to a safer location but it still felt painful.

It hurt to think that all this damage happened because of me.

"...Natsu?" Gray sounded as if he was going to burst into tears.

"I did this, Gray." I finally admitted. "It was my fault this happened so by default, I did this."

I didn't turn around to see his reaction. I heard his knees hit the floor.

"That's not true" Gray said with a sob. I guess he finally realised what was happening.

"It's not your fault. Nobody would-"

"It _is _my fault" I cut him off. "I'm leaving."

At the corner of my eyes, I saw a tear fall down Gray's cheek.

I turned completely away and walked off the way we came.

"Natsu, please-! We can fix this together. Everyone at the guild will understand the truth. Please, don't leave!" I could hear the desperation in Gray's voice.

It hurt.

Dammit it hurt!

I had to make it stop. I _had _to kick him out.

For his own good, I had to leave.

Why couldn't he fucking see that?!

"You're misunderstanding, Gray" I spoke slowly. "I...I just don't love you enough to stay with you" I finished.

I felt like I was going to cry, but I couldn't. I had to do this.

_Fuck, fuck, fuck, FUCK! _

_IT FUCKING HURT. _

"Say it to my face, Natsu." Gray said in a quiet tone. I didn't turn around.

"I don't have to repeat myself to an exhibitionist like you."

I could hear Gray trying to hold back a sob. I knew Happy was trying to comfort him; his little sobs were audible even if he was trying to keep it low.

"Say. It. Say it to my goddamn face, flame brain! SAY IT!" he screamed at me.

I couldn't talk anymore. I walked off, trying to ignore Gray's outbursts.

It was for him. I did this for him.

Ryan was waiting at the spot he said he would, he smiled when I approached him.

I felt angry, I didn't understand why.

My insides hurt so much, there was so much pain I just wanted to scream and rip apart my own flesh.

I was so frustrated.

"Just like old times, right Natsu?" Ryan said happily as he attempted to wrap his arm around my waist.

I clutched a hand around his neck, pulling his face close to mine.

"Try to touch me one more time and I'll rip your fucking arm off, _Ry."_ I threatened, trying to burn his face off with my gaze.

I shoved him to the ground hard and walked a few steps away.

"Let's go." I demanded.

He held his neck and coughed a bit until he regained proper breathing. "Just like old times" Ryan choked underneath his breath; annoyed.


End file.
